“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Those of you know really know me know I were my heart on my sleeve.  I am a highly emotional person to the point of being able to feel another person’s emotions as well; sometimes.  There are times when I am at the mercy of my emotions, they take over and all I feel is emotions sometimes it’s overwhelming to the point where I want to do nothing but escape them.  I do not want to be a slave to emotions as Wilde states in his novel, but sadly I am.  Too often I am ruled by my emotions and a lot of the things I do and think are results of my emotions.  I hate that about myself, I hate that I am so emotion driven and my heart is on my sleeve.  Makes it easier for me to be hurt and crumble back into oblivion.


I have been told it is a bad thing to be emotionally driven and to have my heart on my sleeve, but it is a part what makes me who I am.  I can tap into those easily accessible emotions to write even though I haven’t written anything in years. A lot of my choices and actions are driven by my emotions which can become so incredibly passionate at times that I cannot think of anything else.  I hate that.  I do not want to be dominated by my emotions and sensitivity; it should be vise versa.  How does one control such a vital part of themselves?  I cannot just ignore them or pretend that they don’t exist.

While it is easy to make me happy {I am probably one of the easiest people to make happy), it is also easy to cause me pain.  As I get older, and the more pain I go through it seems it is all the more easier to cause me pain.  And I am at the mercy of those emotions; I am ruled by them and I am not entirely sure on how to escape that trend to be able to dominate them and use them to my advantage.  I try to use my emotions to my advantage in my writing but it never works, I tend end up getting consumed by them and thrown into an abyss of my own thoughts and pain. Maybe that’s why so many authors of the past had drinking problems…I do have love for rum and whiskey.