"Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up”  ― Veronica Roth, Divergent

We tend to think that fear is what keeps us from doing things: that fear inhibits our abilities and puts limits on ourselves.  This isn't exactly true.  Fear wakes  us up gives us that rush of an "oh my gosh this is scary" moment.  But it is ourselves that limit our abilities because we are afraid of them.  It is not the fear itself that shuts us down but ourselves.  We think and fester on the fear and let our minds make it worse than it actually is in reality.

When we face our fears there is a sense of accomplishment, power, and control.  We get exhilarated and excited that we accomplished something and overcame a fear.  Our fears wakes us up to the fact that there is something else in this world, bigger and even scarier than ourselves.  There is something we cannot control, but it is something we can overcome and become stronger because of it.  There are plenty of things in life to be afraid of and the extent of that fear depends on the person and their experiences.  I was once afraid of water because at a young age before I could swim, I fell into the deep end of a pool.  Now you need to drag me out of the water.  Even then I was afraid of the ocean and the waves, but once I stepped foot in that water and began to feel confident, I lay there and let the waves carry me away (I make sure I can easily get back to shore of course).  But those are fears that woke me, woke a passion to overcome that fear and enjoy one of the wonders this world has to offer.

 We like to think that our fears keep us from accomplishing things.  Granted sometimes they might keep us from putting ourselves out there, keep us from taking that risk.  But at the same time doesn't it make you want that thing even more?

“You cannot be a mountain climber and a dumbass” ~ Mr. Harper at Harper’s General Store

Mr. Harper is an older gentleman who runs Harper’s general store in Seneca Rocks West Virginia.  I overheard him telling this to a young group looking for lessons on mountain climbing.  For some reason it did strike me as profound and you can look at it for different aspects of life not simply mountain climbing which is what this gentleman obviously meant it to be.

Seneca Rocks, West Virginia

Throughout life we have all kinds of mountains that we need to climb and overcome.  Some mountains are small while others tower above our heads.  Sometimes we learn the lessons we need in order to climb these mountains.  Other times we think we know to get on top and act like fools or as Mr. Harper said “dumbasses”.  What happens then?  One way or another we end up getting hurt and not completely making it out on top.  Regardless of whether we have to tools to climb or not the mountain always looms over us appearing higher than it is, but then once you get to the top, it is the greatest feeling in the world.

We tend to think we can handle anything and don’t need instructions for anything including overcoming hardships.  We act stupid sometimes and do stupid things.  We do things that will cause us to stumble and fall.  Things that inhibit us from making it to the top.  Sometimes the climb has a slight trail to follow, but we want the shortcut.  Other times we need to scale the sides of the mountain and then we look at the trail wishing we can take it.  Sometimes we think we can  handle it all on our own without help of any kind.  Then we get to a point where we don't know what to do and stumble or get lost.  Along the way we do stupid things, listen to the wrong people make the wrong decisions, but that is all a part of being humans and learning the process.

With what Mr. Harper was saying you cannot be a mountain climber and do dumb things.  You cannot climb the highest mountains without knowing what you are doing.  The same for climbing the mountains of trials in our lives; we need some idea of how to proceed with caution and do things right rather than running headfirst into the side of the mountain.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one.”  ~ John Lennon

John Lennon is probably one of my favorite people for various different reasons.  He was a dreamer, he believed that we would be able to live as one.  Live as a unified people and move past our differences.  We are too focused on things we have different and people think those of us who hope that one day we can get past those differences and live as one, live unified in the fact that we are different and that's the beauty of the human race.

Many of us dream of one day living as one, but the reality of that will never come to pass.  There is always going to be a group who hates another for one reason or another.  We will never see each as equal.  We move past one hurdle and overcome one stereotype and hatred only to come across a new one.  Is it human nature to need something to "disapprove" of? Something to not like, something to judge another based on?  I find it hard to look at someone and not like them or judge them based on things they cannot control, or even things they can control.  Who am I to say something is not right?   I could be doing something wrong, I am sure of it.  Does that make me a dreamer like Lennon?

While I dream and hope for a day when we all can accept one another for who were and appreciate the differences in one another that make the world go round, I doubt it will ever happen.  There will always be something that stops us from accepting one another.  Its kind of sad when you think about it.

“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

 

There are a lot of moments in life that we need to just stop thinking and put trust in something or someone.  We need to have faith that things will turn out alright, the way it is supposed too.  Too often we want to know what is going to happen.  We too quickly lose faith in things when something bad begins to happen.  We look at things and think they are impossible and though sometimes we try to tackle those moments, but other times we simply give up.  No one does anything with blind faith and trust anymore.  It seems one needs to always something as proof, something tangible that things will work the way they're supposed to work. 

We no longer put faith in things; not even doctors.  We constantly question everything, asking for a second opinion on this or that.  We hear some not so savory news and automatically assume the worse and expect a bad outcome.  Years ago I had the pleasure of having a long discussion with my uncle before he had passed away.  We were talking about how we were able to continue fighting cancer (he fought for three years, I for a year).  His statement will stick with me forever; he said "I only do it through faith that it will all work out.  If I have focused on the negative, I would have given up long ago.  Faith keeps me going; I don't understand how someone can endure hardships like this without it."  Faith is something we all need from time to time if not all the time.  We need to put our trust in something and hope for the best rather than continuing to expect the worse.  We need to trust people in order for them to trust us.  Too often we look at others and wonder when they will betray us, and I admit I do that a lot.


Without faith in anything, I'm not saying faith in God or religion or anything like that, but just simple faith in all things, that things will work out and the hardships will end, how do we make it through them?  How are we able to endure all the hardships of life and continue to keep going?  How can look at life and see that good rather than the negative and wonder "why me"?  Without trust in people how will we grow together?  How will we be able to not only understand those around us, but ourselves as well?  How can we survive in this world?

And of course we all need some pixie dust so that we can soar above the clouds.  Who wouldn't want a little pixie dust from time to time?

“Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” ~ Martin Luther King

During our troubles and struggles, we think things look so bleak and dark.  We don't think there is anything worth seeing, anything with beauty.  Sometimes though it is during those dark times that we need to open our eyes and see the stars shining bright.  We learn things, experience things, and grow through those dark moments.  The stars shine the brightest on the darkest of nights, couldn't we shine the brightest during our darkest of times?  During our darkest times we exhibit our strength, faith, perseverance, and become all the more stronger because of it.  If we didn't go through those times we wouldn't know the strength we have within, and sometimes we still don't see that strength, but it is still there.

We all have gone through and will continue to go through periods of darkness.  One time may be darker than the next, but each time we manage to make it through to dawn.  We never know what life is going to throw at us, which means we can never be fully prepared.  I think that is what makes things so hard to handle, we never know what to expect or how to fight it head on.  No one wants to have cancer, no one expects to lose a loved one, but we all experience those dark times. We look at those times as if they are bad experiences, but what if they are good?  What if it is because of those experiences that we are the people we are?

Maybe we need to travel through the darkness in order to find our dawning light.  If we sit and wallow in our despair and night, then we won't progress.  We won't find the morning and then be able to appreciate the beauty that was within our darkness.  When we look back on those times with new eyes we can see the stars and see the goodness that will come from that experience.  But for some reason we do find that hard to do.  I wonder why.  Why do we find it so darn hard to see the good that comes from troubled times?  The strength we gain or the new people we have become?

“To go through hurt, you have to stumble on the rocks in order to walk on solid ground.”
―Alyssa Tillmon

Throughout all of life’s trials and hurts we stumble; we fall.  We don’t know where to place our footing and which place is safe to step.  It’s an intricate dance with a difficult partner.  Because we are consistently walking on a rocky path, they shift and move making it harder to find our way to solid ground.   Now and again we are even looking around for the solid ground that we are not paying attention to where we are stepping which causes us to stumble even more.  Each time we stumble it hurts all the more.  We scrap ourselves time and time again, opening old wounds and creating new ones.  There are times when solid ground doesn’t seem to be within reach. 

As soon as we clear those rocks though and plant our feet onto to solid ground; it’s a time of rejoicing.  We may come out with scrapes, bruises, and brokenness; but at the same time it feels as though we come feeling new and improved.  Feeling stronger than before.  Often times we look back at the rocks and places we stumbled and see the beauty they hold.  Possibly even become thankful we staggered.  Sometimes falling and opening new and old wounds help us find that solid ground and be even more thankful that we have found it.  Although a lot of the time we find the solid ground and end up wondering when the next rocky path will appear.  So much so that we cannot appreciate what we have accomplished.

Throughout life we are going to go through periods where we will go through hurts and pains, but they are a part of life.  They are what helps teach us how to handle each situation.  Sure we will stumble, sure we will fall and get hurt more.  But with each pain and heartache we get stronger and learn what really matters and how to heal ourselves.  Those rocks that seem to jump out of nowhere are sometimes the things that keeps us going each day.

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

There are a few things in life that we are promised without a doubt.  Things that no matter who  you are, what walk of life you are in; you will experience it.  One of those things is suffering.  That is simply a part of life; things we don’t want to admit to anyone.  We watch people going through heartache or trial and we tend think “I don’t know how I’d handle it if that was me” or even “Glad that’s not me”.  How many of us have thought the latter?

Occasionally we need to endure suffering and mourn over loss (no matter what that loss is) in order to appreciate what we have and what we will see happening in the future.  We don’t like admitting when something difficult comes our way.  We tend to want the suffering and hardships to happen to someone else or in a movie/TV show, not ourselves.    We need to endure those moments so that we can fully appreciate when something good happens, when we are blessed.  We cannot avoid suffering, heartaches, pain and any other bad thing we want to try and avoid.  It is all a part of this wonderful journey we call life.  How you address those moments and handle them are what truly matter.

We need to accept that we will endure these things.  Accept that we will walk the valley of death, depths of hell whatever you so choose to call it.  We will mourn over things, we will cry our hearts out, we will scream out in pain.  But we need to experience those things, we need to endure them.  It’s a horrible thing to admit and hard to admit, but we need to go through them and try our damnedest to not abandon hope.

“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Those of you know really know me know I were my heart on my sleeve.  I am a highly emotional person to the point of being able to feel another person’s emotions as well; sometimes.  There are times when I am at the mercy of my emotions, they take over and all I feel is emotions sometimes it’s overwhelming to the point where I want to do nothing but escape them.  I do not want to be a slave to emotions as Wilde states in his novel, but sadly I am.  Too often I am ruled by my emotions and a lot of the things I do and think are results of my emotions.  I hate that about myself, I hate that I am so emotion driven and my heart is on my sleeve.  Makes it easier for me to be hurt and crumble back into oblivion.


I have been told it is a bad thing to be emotionally driven and to have my heart on my sleeve, but it is a part what makes me who I am.  I can tap into those easily accessible emotions to write even though I haven’t written anything in years. A lot of my choices and actions are driven by my emotions which can become so incredibly passionate at times that I cannot think of anything else.  I hate that.  I do not want to be dominated by my emotions and sensitivity; it should be vise versa.  How does one control such a vital part of themselves?  I cannot just ignore them or pretend that they don’t exist.

While it is easy to make me happy {I am probably one of the easiest people to make happy), it is also easy to cause me pain.  As I get older, and the more pain I go through it seems it is all the more easier to cause me pain.  And I am at the mercy of those emotions; I am ruled by them and I am not entirely sure on how to escape that trend to be able to dominate them and use them to my advantage.  I try to use my emotions to my advantage in my writing but it never works, I tend end up getting consumed by them and thrown into an abyss of my own thoughts and pain. Maybe that’s why so many authors of the past had drinking problems…I do have love for rum and whiskey.

I wonder if this is how people always get close: They heal each other's wounds; they repair the broken skin.” ― Lauren Oliver, Pandemonium

In order for someone to help heal your wound, you need to allow someone to get close enough to know what those wounds are. You need to let down the walls and other barriers and be vulnerable even for just a second. Sometimes we need to decide whether or not a person is worth being vulnerable for and if you want to take the risk of starting to allow someone in and allow them to see those dark corners of yourself. A lot of the times allowing yourself that moment of vulnerability is what ends up causing pain, but the question is, was that moment worth it? Did that moment cause another wound or did it help heal even if it was the tiniest of tiny bits.

Giving up those barriers and walls is, in my eyes, an incredible gift to give someone. You are allowing them a way into your world, even if they may not know it. It is a scary thought allowing someone in again, allowing someone to begin to get close to you. Sometimes I wonder if it is something you are conscience of, letting those barriers down. Half the time I don’t realize I let barriers down until I get hurt, recently happened: began letting barriers down. Do I want to be vulnerable and have my guards down? Goodness no, terrified of going through the heart ache and being wounded all over again. While letting someone in seems so terrifying and can cause more heartache, in time someone comes along that helps heal those wounds and make those scars fade away.

Getting close to someone means you need to let them into all aspects of you. For me all I think about is what has already been broken, I’m screwed up for whoever decides I am worth the risk. I know I am broken and at times wonder how I can ever be healed after all I have been through. I can think of only 1 person who knows it all and even then that person doesn’t know it all. How can I let someone new in? How can I forget the fears and worry to let myself be vulnerable once again?

"Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing." ~  Rollo May

We communicate with people on a daily basis in different forms. The way we communicate with a co-worker is different then how we communicate with a family member, or doctor, or even someone we feel is special. It is the only way we can build any sort of relationship with someone. So much can be said about a person based on how they communicate with another person, you can see what they value, what they are passionate or dispassionate about. Communication is one of the ways one builds and earns trust and also a way one can lose that trust/respect. The best way of understanding a person is talking with them communicating emotions, thoughts, desires. From that understanding comes intimacy and valuing one another. Intimacy is not specifically sexual intimacy, though there is a sense of intimacy there it is a different type; maybe a blog for another day.

Communication can relay so many different messages and not just what is being said but how it’s being said, words that are chosen, even non-verbal cues can relay a different message than the words themselves. Ever watch a person while they lie and see how they act differently as opposed to telling the truth. How about looking into the eyes of someone you love while they say those words to you as opposed to mom saying them. There is a huge difference in the meaning and how each are interpreted. But regardless of who is communicating, or what their message is there is a sense of value and understanding. When you communicate emotions/feelings, thoughts etc. you are letting someone into your “world” whether it is happy and cheerful or dark and bitter.

Just the other day, I had a conversation with someone about passions being the driving force in life and how those passions can communicate our darkest thoughts. Communication can help us be stronger in different situations because we talk about the trials and struggles we deal with on a daily basis. Some of us feel as though we have been to Hell and back more times than we can count (yes I feel as though I have). But talking about them tapping into those emotions to communicate and create something like art, music, or a piece of writing creates a strength we didn’t know we have. Even more so when we tap into that experience and let someone else in on the pain you’ve felt. It makes you all the more vulnerable to them. While that is a scary thought; me being a person who is driven by emotions and communication am waiting for that person I can let in, that person I can reveal the darkest corners too. But that too is a subject for another post.

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of hell. There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side.  Or you don't.”    ― Stephen King, The Stand


So often we go through tribulations that affect who we are as people.  They change our outlooks, way of thinking, even sometimes the way we act.  Others in our lives sometimes try and figure out why these changes were made and try to analyze or compare us to who we used to be.  So often we hide what we are going through, even if we don’t other people cannot see the inner turmoil we go through on a daily basis.  The changes within us are exactly that it is within ourselves.  We cannot pinpoint the exact moment when the change occurred. We cannot say “It was this exact point when this happened” As King said in his book “there are no maps of the change” there is no way we can determine when the change occurred because it is a gradual process.

We are always trying to analyze things not just within ourselves but within those around us, but how can we do that when cannot see the personal hell each person goes through.  There are things I am sure all of keep hidden even from our best of friends and spouses.  Many times we cannot even see the personal hell we go through because we either try to hide from them or put on a  happy face and pretend they aren’t happening.  A lot of tribulations we deal with we can’t find our way through until we come out the other end a changed person.  I know with my tribulations I didn’t notice the changes that were being made.  Almost 7 years later I look back and realize I am a different person because of the things I have been through, they helped mold me and make me into who I am today.  I cannot pinpoint the exact moments, I can say which trials helped mold me, but as far as what trials changed what I cannot say.

That’s how life works.  There is always going to be mountains to climb and valleys to pass through, but you cannot map out the course and determine when you will hit trouble or when you will come out of it, or even what that trouble will do to you as a person.  You kind of have to put faith in whatever you believe in even if it is faith in yourself to make it through to the other side.

“Certainly she no longer thinks of the future, because every day the future proves itself to be a duplicate of the present. So instead she roots through the past.”  ~ David Gillman  "City of Women: A Novel"

How often are we disappoint in the “future” because it is not turning out the way he had envisioned?  We plan out this marvelous future and every day that that plan does not come true we get disappoint and we soon begin to stop looking or thinking of the future and instead think “what’s the use?”  Once we begin to think that and think that the perfect future we want isn’t going to happen, then we start looking at the past and wishing things were like that again.  But things are in the past are there for a reason.

We want everything to happen exactly as we plan it.  How we want it when we want it.  We want everything to happen now rather than wait for it to happen in its own time.   Because of that we think that things are not going happen, we think things are going to remain the way they are now.  We see every day as the same as yesterday.  We don’t see the future we are expecting slowly shaping and forming, so then we look at the past.  We see things in the past that we want and say we miss even though during that time we most likely wished it would pass.  What good does reliving the past and living in it as opposed to looking for the future, striving for the future we want?  All living in the past do is make us miss the present and future.  We miss out on so many things and sometimes...it makes us depressed.

We tend to see a future for ourselves and want it now, this instant, but many times we don’t want to do the hard work, just do the bare minimum.  So then it takes longer and we get even more frustrated and then give up.  I know there were times I did that, gave up and looked at the past and wished things were that easy again, even though during that time there were struggles to overcome.  In order to get the future we want, we need to struggle.  We need to fight tooth and nail for what we want instead of expecting to simple happen because we want it too.  We also need to accept that sometimes life has alternate plans.  Simply because things aren’t happening the way we want, we shouldn’t root ourselves into the past.  No good can come out of that.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story

Too often throughout life there are people who try to make us feel inferior to them. It starting earlier and earlier in childhood and extends far into adulthood. There is no rhyme or reason behind this, it's just the way some people in this world react to others they deem too different. But that just seems to take so much of their own time to worry about making others feel less than worthy.

Eleanor stated it beautifully in saying no one can make you feel inferior unless you let them, unless you give them the power to do so. Sometimes it is difficult to not give power to someone's words or actions, many times they hurt and do in fact make us feel inferior. But the key is to address the feelings off the bat and not dwell on them. The more we dwell on the things said or done, the more we begin to feel that maybe this person was correct after all.

We tend to think what others think of us is correct when what matters is how we view ourselves. If we continue to allow others the power to make us feel less than worthy, less than them, then we will begin to think that and believe it. We will begin to pull back thinking we aren't capable of things. We need to let comments and actions roll off our backs. I know easier said than done, but it is something we should be trying to do.

Easter may not have the same meaning to everyone. It is a day of rebirth and new beginnings in one way or another. Spring is here finally and life is beginning anew. Enjoy this beauty all around.

I like friends who have independent minds because they tend to make you see problems from all angles." ~ Nelson Mandela

We all have difference of opinions about different situations, events, and causes. Sometimes we use those differences to dislike someone and argue with them. While a good spirited debate is fun from time to time, getting to the point to where you hate the other person and refuse to listen to their views causes a problem. Speaking with people with a difference of opinion gives us the ability to see the same thing from a different point whether we agree or not.

A lot of the time having a different perspective on a situation can change your viewpoints. How often after a debate have we thought "huh, never thought of it like that"? A difference of opinion, different insight gives us a new way to look at things, a new way to even think about something. A lot of the time we are so stuck in our thoughts that we don't want to consider an alternative possibility.

Having different outlooks and thoughts help us grow in our own opinions and understandings of the world around us. It allows us to think and discuss independently rather than depending on the views of others like a newscaster or reporter. How boring would life be if we all thought and viewed the world the same way?

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Too often we are hunting and searching for a treasure of one sort or another; generally happiness, love or peace. Sometimes we don't listen to or follow our hearts for fear of failing or that something is better than what our hearts want. We put a lot of stock into reasoning and logic, but don't pay attention of desires and emotions. We tell other people "just follow your heart" but then we don't follow that same advice. Why is that?

If we took the time to listen to our hearts more and follow our hearts desires, don't you think we would be happier, feel loved and at peace more? How many people simply say their jobs are not what they wanted to do? They didn't follow their passions, but went into a field that was prosperous or was chosen for them? Are those people happy? Some of them yes, others no. If I had followed my heart in career choices I would be happier. If we follow our hearts and know where our hearts would rather be all the treasures of life that we seek and desire would be there.

We need to put a little more stock and value into the matters of the heart, into following one's heart and seeing where it leads. There is a lot that can be said about following your heart. Its such an important part of our bodies and life, shouldn't we listen to it more often?

I do a lot with Paulo Coelho quotes, but that is because a lot of what he says and writes are so inspirational and astounding that it does change how you view things. If you haven't read one of his books, I highly suggest at least The Alchemist where today's quote comes from.

P.S If I followed my heart, think would I find Blackbeard's treasure? Or a lost Shakespearean play?

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." - Alan Watts

We will not always be able to understand change going on around us, whether it is small or large. It doesn't always make sense why things change the way they do, and we are unable to understand and get a hold of these changes. Some changes happen gradually while others hit us like a ton of bricks. Like Mr. Watts said the only way we can make sense of the change is to accept it for what it is and jump head first into it.

We need be able to "join the dance" as Watts stated rather than fight against it. When we fight and struggle with the change life tries to make, we always tend to fall on our butts and are unable to understand. Many times when we fight the changes, we end up getting hurt and are unable to adapt and then lose out on something pretty awesome. We will get left behind and feel even more lost in this journey through life than we would if we accepted the changed and added it to our path.

Having changes in life adds to the quality of it. It keeps us on our toes and ensures that we don't get "too comfortable" in the way things are going. Sometimes we need a little change in things to help us appreciate what we had, as well as what we still have in our lives. We often forget that and plunging into change and making sense out of it helps us appreciate life all the more.

What changes don't make sense to you, and how can you join the dance to make sense of them? Hasn't changes in our life made things better in the end?

"We are all one - the web of life." - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Too often life we forget that we are more a like with each other than we assume. We look at what is different among one another rather than what we have in common. Are our differences really that big of a deal or are we making them bigger than they really are? Are we using differences as excuses to judge and stereotype one another? We ignore all the ways that we are similar but why? Why is the color of one's skin, sexual preference, religious beliefs something that determines who they are as person? Why are those things that determine whether we like them as people? Why are we so quick to judge based on something either they have no control over or something they decide is best for them? Isn't that the point of having free will.

We need to begin to realize that while we all have differences we have similarities as well. We are connected in more ways than we like to think. Once we realize that we won't hate each other so much. We will be able to accept one another easier and better than we are now. Because we know we will be judged we tend to not be ourselves. We are too worried about what others will think of us that we can't be ourselves. To me that just seems so sad.

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss

For some reason this quote is really hitting home for me. So often in life we cry over a lot of missed opportunities whether it is a failed relationship or the loss of a loved one. There is so much in life that occurs that breaks our hearts and breaks us down. It is a wonder many of us don’t simply crumble to the ground from despair (and many actually do). Why does it always hurt so much? We look back on things and always feel a pang of pain and grief for some odd reason. But while there is pain there is also many things that we should be happy about and memories that we should cherish as happiness rather than pain.

Why is it that we harbor so much pain regardless of what causes it? We have such a hard time finding happiness and things that will make us smile. I asked a friend a question regarding this the other day; I asked him “doesn’t being with your friends and doing things you love make you happy?” His response was “No, it’s a distraction.” How many of us have that same thought? Things we do are just a distraction to get us through the day so we don’t think about the pain we feel. What if we look at a happy memory and smile rather than think of a painful one and cry? What if we refuse to allow a negative image hit our minds but rather focus on the happy ones? Why are we so driven by negativity?

Dr Seuss said it perfectly smile and be happy things happen. Why can’t we find happiness in the smallest things in life so that the hardships are easier to handle? Even in the toughest of struggles there is something to smile about, but for some reason we can never see it. We are blind to happiness even though we are forever searching for it. We cry when we should be smiling. Is it even possible to turn that thought around and smile at all times?

“Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I'm not perfect
-and I don't live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers...
make sure you hands are clean!”
― Bob Marley


We spend so much time judging others and worring about whether or not someone else is judging us. We are constantly concerned about how others will perceive our actions, words, or personalities. At the same time while we are worrying about it, we are doing that exact thing to others around us. We expect perfection from those around us yet at the same time expect them to accept us for who we are. Why? Why do have this unrealistic expectation? The moment we meet someone we begin to judge them based off some unknown criteria that we have created. Or if we hear something about someone we judge.

As Bob Marley said "I'm not perfect," no one is. We all have faults and fail to live up to expectations from time to time. Is it fair for us to judge someone based on that? When we are quick to judge why don't we look at ourselves and realize that we are the farthest thing from perfect as well. We point fingers so fast and don't look at ourselves. Could it be because we are afraid to look at ourselves for who we are? Will we not like ourselves if we did that? Why are we afraid to admit to our own faults and failures?

God has no religion.
Each one prays to God according to his own light.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I have always said that no one religion was correct. Not one religion had the whole complete truth, but that we can learn a little something from each other. I have always held the same though as Gandhi's quote. We all worship the same God but in different ways. We believe in high power no matter if you call it Shiva, Jesus, Allah, Zeus or any other name. Why must we be at each other's throats fighting over who is right? It is quite possible that no one is correct. What if the higher being is sitting up there (or where ever) frustrated that we just are not getting it?

Each faith can teach us all something different not just about the faith itself but also ourselves. There is so much to this world and each other than what name we call our god or how we worship it. Once we learn to realize that, this world could be a better place. We can learn to love one another as Mother Teresa stated. Sure we are different, but does that need to seperate us? Do we really need to hate each other and fight because of it?

The divine is as it is. We can never know if it is gendered or nongender, has a name or simply is. We can't even know if it honestly exists until that time comes, so whay does there need to be so much hate over it? Its all a matter of difference of opinion and is that really worth it? Its like telling someone you aren't going to like them because the don't like to eat mushrooms or that they don't like to play video games. Why can't we just agree to disagree and coexist?

In order to hold on to thoughts of anger, bitterness, revenge, guilt, and shame, we have to use a lot of energy. ~ Edwene Gaines

Many of us are prone to holding grudges against one another. We spend out engery remaining angry and bitter towards someone for doing something we felt had wronged us. Sometimes we want to plan on how to get revenge, how to get t hem back for hurting us and causing us pain. All that takes so much energy, more energy than forgiving them and forgetting about it. But for some reason we find it hard to forget wrongs done to us, no matter how minor. We let the anger and bitterness consume our minds and sometimes we lose sleep, and even sometimes our appetites. It drains us emotionally to where we are simply tired. Is it worth it?

Why do we find it so hard to let go of things that consistanly cause us pain? Why do we spend so much energy on something that brings so much negativity into our lives and hearts? We have such a hard time letting go of bitterness and anger towards others that it only hurts us. What does it do to the other person for us to remain angry towards them? Nothing. It doesn't take any energy from them, just from us. Think of how much happier we'd all be if we were able to just let go of these feelings. We harbor so much pain that we are too tired to notice all the good.

Why can't we let things go? Why does our anger and bitterness and guilt need to rule our lives so much more than happiness and love? Have we truly abandoned all hope of something better?

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself." ~ Paulo Coelho

This somewhat goes with the post I wrote about the quote from Chinua Achebe. In that post I talked about how we try our hardest to avoid the suffering we endure throughout life. I also stated that we tend to avoid the suffering because we are afraid of it. We are afraid of the possibilty that we cannot overcome the struggle.

I am not sure if the fear we have is the fear of the struggle itself or rather the fear of the unknown. Fear of not knowing what will happen, fear of not knowing how to handle it, fear of not knowing. We try to avoid it all because we are unsure of the situation, unsure of how to proceed once it happens and then once it is all over. Would life be the same, or would things be totally different? Struggles in our lives turn our worlds upside down and we don't know how to cope. We fear being outside of our comfort zone, and trials take us out of them.

Our fears dominate our lives and sometimes makes things bigger/worse than they actually are. So how do we get past that so that we may be able to face our struggles head on? How do we learn to no longer fear the unknown?

"When suffering knocks at your door and you say there is no seat for him, he tells you not to worry because he has brought his own stool." ~ Chinua Achebe

How often have we tried to run and hide from our sufferings? Tried to pretend that it didn't exist? "If I don't acknowledge it then it isn't happening" is somewhat of the mentality that we have when it comes to suffering of one sort or the other. We like to pretend it isn't happening to us, but maybe to someone else. Because simply ignoring our sufferings will make it go away right?

We only want to face the good things in life, we never want to face to bad. We try to avoid it at all costs, so when something occurs we run away scared. Im not saying some of life's struggles aren't scarey because they are, we just run away instead of trying to figure out how to conquer them. We tell the struggles there is no room in our lives like Achebe stated.

But regardless of how we act towards our tribulations, or how much we try to pretend they are not there; they remain. We will always have something to struggle with, and it is possible that the best way to handle them is to accept it and invite them in.

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
― George Bernard Shaw

We hear young people saying that they need to “find themselves” or people say they “Found themselves” in college or some other life altering experience. The things we go through aren’t about finding who we are. I think we know who we are all along, we just need to create and mold the person we are into the person we desire. We know the type of person we are and it isn’t like we lost ourselves. How can we be hidden from the one person we cannot hide from?

Sometimes we choose the things we experience and other times life decides what we go through. But each time we handle something and grow, we create a new aspect of ourselves or increase one we have already created. It makes more sense that we create who we are rather than find ourselves. From the time we begin to explore the world around us we are shaping ourselves and creating who we will become once we are older, even then we are still shaping and molding ourselves. Heck at 31; I am still shaping and molding myself. I wouldn’t say I found myself more of I understood who I was better after some experiences.

I understand being lost in the world and unsure of where to go in life, but I would think that is different from being lost within oneself. You still know who you are as a person, the lost feeling seems to just be another thing that adds to the person and helps create that sense of being.

"Each one has to find his peace from within.
And to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances." - Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We are always searching for peace within. Our lives are full of turmoil and struggle that throughout everything we look to find peace. We pray to God or Allah or whomever for peace and undersatnding. As Gandhi said, that peace can only come from ourselves. It cannot come for other sources such as other people or things. We look outside of ourselves rather than within to find the peace we are craving. How many times have we tried to fill the void of peace with people and things only to feel unsatisfied?

We are constantly looking for ways to provide ourselves with peace and tranquility whether it is through hiking, socializing, yoga. What if those things are only giving us a false sense of peace because we still have all our inner turmoils, whatever they may be? We need to learn to calm the storms within in order to find the true peace Gandhi spoke about. A lot of the time all we want is to be at peace when something happens. We think accepting the situation and having peace are the same thing, but what if they are not the same?

How do we calm those storms and find true inner peace when the world around us is in constant turmoil?

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost

Life has a way of turning our world upside down; flipping everything as we know it around, and flip it inside out to the point where we have no idea what is up or down anymore. During those times we tend to just want to stop everything and focus on the problem at hand. We focus so much of our energy on that one issue that it is all we can think about, all we can address at the time. Everything and everyone else around us fades away to the background, sometimes we even seclude ourselves from those around us and try to deal with things on our own.

During those times we forget that life does go on. There are people missing us, things piling up that need addressed. We cannot pretend that the world is on hold because something occurred in our lives that threw us for a loop. Life progresses and we should also. We need to be able to put that issue aside to experience life as it happens, but we always have a hard doing just that. Even if we go out with friends or family, we are distant and lost in our own thoughts. Why do we do this, and how can we break free from the vicious cycle that is life’s turmoil?

How can we allow life to go on when it seems like everything is coming a part all around us? How can we pretend to be happy when it seems like we are surrounded by sorrow and pain? It’s a hard thing to understand and try to do, which is probably why we are so comfortable in trying to hide from the world during our moments to trouble and heartache.

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us." ~ Joseph Campbell

We are constantly trying to plan out our lives. What we want to do, who we want to marry, how many kids we want, where we want to live etc. We want everything to work out the way we want it too. In high school and college we plan where we want to be in 5 or 10 years. But how many times do those plans actually work out? How many times do our plans work out exactly the way we expect them too? Hardly ever! Then when things don't go the way we want them too, we get upset and claim it isn't fair.

Too often life has other plans. There is something else waiting for us rather than the plan we want. Most of the time we come out for the better with some of these plans. A lot of the time we expect things to be just the way we want them too, we are selfish in nature. And when things do not go the way we had planned we freeze and aren't prepared to handle it. That is probably why everything seems so much harder to bear, because we don't plan on the bad t hings happening. How could we?

How can we plan for someone in our family or ourselves getting cancer? Or a loved one dying unexpectedly or some other trial we face each day? How do we know how to plan for those things, so that we are able to live the life we are meant to live? How can we not look to the future and want to plan and then be disappointed when those plans fail?

"We cannot fight for love, as men may do; We should be wooed, and were not made to woo." ~ Helena: "A Mid Summer's Night Dream" (Shakespeare)

Being back on the dating scene, it seems as though chivarly has died. Very few men still uphold the gentleman standard and try to woo a girl. It seems to be unheard of for a man to pick a woman up for the date or pull out her chair, help her with her coat on. Either that or I have dated really crappy men. Even if a guy did those things claiming to be a true gentleman, he still attempted things lets say were very ungentlemanly.

It seems that having those expectations of being wooed is frowned upon by many men, and I'm not saying all men are ungentlemanly, just that they are already taken or are well hidden. So many guys want to be king, but then treat women horribly, and still expect us to swoon over them and hop into bed right off the bat. What happened to wooing, falling in love, and knowing each other before taking that step?

Gentleman kindness has been replaced with "woman go make me a sandwhich". Many men think it is okay to be rude and unkind to women and still expect to be treated properly. How many women have thought "he was such a douchbag" as opposed to "what a gentleman"? There have been men who will tell me to my face on a first or second date how beautiful my chest is...How is that supposed to woo me as opposed to make me feel like he's not all that interested beyond sexual things?

Is that all there is anymore to dating? Has chivarely really died out and been replaced with uber-machoism? What happened to wooing a girl and asking her father permission to seriously date his daughter? Okay so the last might be extreme, but still would be nice to be respected and wooed instead of expected to be the one chasing and when we chase we come off as being "overly attached". What's a woman to do to find a gentleman anymore? Until proven otherwise..chivalry is dead.

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated." ~ Confucius

There are many times throughout life where we say that life is too hard, that we are unsure if we will be able to make it through. Times when we want to flat out give up on everything and stop trying. Especially if the trial is something small. We tend to make a mountain out of a mole hill as the saying goes. We want everything in life to be easy going and smooth sailing, without having to deal with anything else than what we want to happen. It seems a lot of the time if it is something we don't want to happen or don't want to consider dealing with we either say it is not fair or it is something we cannot handle. We make it more complicated than it should be.

Life is really simple as Confucious said. We have friends and family to rely on for support, but many times we do not take advantage of that. We look at life and see so many complications, so many struggles and stress. What if, if you looked at all the good in life then the struggles and stress and complications aren't as bad? We look at all the negativity in life, what if when we look at the postives, then life doesn't seem so hard?


We cause our own drama in our lives. We allow ourselves to hold grudges against someone or let how they think affect our lives in a negative way.If we aren't struggling with some trial life throws we are causing drama one way or another. We make things more complicated when we act this way. How often have we said "I won't go to the party if so and so will be there" or end friendships because we broke off a relationship?


Why do we do this? Why must everything in our lives be made more complicated than need be? And it is no one else's fault but our own. We create over half the complications in our own lives. But then the question is, how do we stop and make life more simpler?

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
― Mother Teresa

Often times we are too quick to judge someone. We take one look at someone and think we know them based on color, gender, dress, even how they wear their hair. We jump to conclusions quickly and don't really take the time to get to know someone before we judge them. So if we judge to fast how can we learn who they are and know whether or not we actually do like them as a person and not as we perceive?

How many times have you judged someone then got to know them and learned they are completly different than what you thought? Now if we took the time to know someone rather than judge right off the bat, we would learn who they are inside rather than what we think based on stereotypes. There would be more love in the world rather than hate. There are so many things going on in the world that cause turmoil, so why do we need to add one more thing by judging one another?

Once we begin to judge one another and refuse to take the time to love them, then we begin to judge ourselves and open ourselves to the same judgement we give.

"That's not fair!" - Sarah
"You say that so often, I wonder what your basis of comparison are" - Jareth ~Jim Henson's The Labyrinth

Way too often when something we don't like happens in our lives we claim it is "unfair" or "unjust". But like Jareth says in my favorite movie what is our basis of comparison? What do we have to compare what is fair and unfair too? How can we honestly say something is "unfair" when we don't know exactly what is truthfully fair or unfair?

So many times when we go through a struggle we think "its not fair, this is happening" or even "why me," "why must I go through this." Our only basis for what is fair or not is our own experiences and desires. If it is not something we want or want to do then automatically it is not fair that we need to do it. Or not fair that someone has something we want. When you think about it, that thinking makes us completely selfish.

We tend to think we are entitled to a life that is "fair" by our own standards. When things go "unfairly" we pout, wimper, cry, whatever else we need to do to deal with what we feel as being treated unfairly by either our fellow man or the universe. We begin to think the universe is out to get us, to knock us down. But what if we are getting exactly what we deserve? What if all of our hardships are fair? Isn't it fair for us to get what we deserve whether it is good or bad?

Abandon Hope All Ye

"“Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate” - Dante’s Inferno (Translation: Abandon hope all ye who enter here)

I think a lot of the time when we are going through a trial we throw ourselves into our own personal hell. We tell ourselves there is no hope, and we abandon all thoughts of things good and focus on the struggle at hand. We convince ourselves there is no hope of making it through the struggle, no hope of being happy, no hope in general. We trap ourselves in a hell we create for ourselves. We abandon all things that once brought us happiness and see the pain, hurt and all things that come with going through hell. We don’t see a way out of our hell.

We like to try and find reasons for us living in these hells; reasons that are not our own. Who wants to admit they created their own hell? We create our own versions of each level of hell, one seemingly worse then the last. Each struggle we go through always seems worse than the last even if it is something we have gone through before. It is so easy for us to lose grip on the hope we are so desperately trying to find.

Even though we say we don’t like the hell we live in, but at the same time it is a sort of comfort zone, something we know and are used to, while at the same time we crave paradise. We are desperately traveling through the hells of life, sometimes getting lost in each “level.” Sometimes we thing we have made it through to the next level or to Paradise, only to realize we have only either traveled in circles or entered into a new “level” of hell.

But how do we find our way out of this hell we create? How do we like Dante make our way to Purgatory and then Paradise? Since we create our own hells, shouldn’t we also know the way out? Or do we simply sentence ourselves to a lifetime of hellish struggles?

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." ~ Nelson Mandela

We go through life fearing different things. We fear change, the unknown, committment, responsibility, being out of our comfort zone, failure, unacceptance, spiders. We are even afraid to face those fears. We find different ways to avoid them and not deal with those fears. Sometimes I wonder what causes those fears in the first place? Okay I know the fear of spiders, they're just creepy. But the other things are major important things, and to fear those is major in my opinion.

A lot of the intrisic fears we have are of things that we have no control over, so then would the real fear be the fear of not being in control? Of feeling helpless? We have fantistical dreams of being able to over come all of our fears and conquer everything that the world has to throw at us, but when it comes to it, we chicken out. Sometimes we do get brave and face our fears and conquer them, other times we cower with our tails between our legs. What is it about our internal fears that incapacitate us so much?

How can we face and triumph our fears if we don't know where the originate from in the first place? Where do we even begin to find the ability within to overcome these fears of something intangible? How do you face something you cannot see but only feel?

"When you've suffered a great deal in life each additional pain is both unbearable and trifling"-- Yann Martel, "Life Of Pie"

Throughout this journey called life, we will always have a time when we will suffer.  When we will endure pain in one form or another.  A lot of the time it seems like once we have been  burned, each time after that seems to be worse than the first.  It always feels like the world is crashing in on us, but then we overcome it and become stronger.  But then we have something else happens and we need to suffer again and it feels like we cannot handle it.  Why is it that everything always seems worse than it is?  Always seems like something we cannot handle.

Life is full of struggles and trials that we seem to cannot be able to get away from. We are surrounded by it no matter the form it comes in. Each time we are forced to deal with such struggles it always seems worse than it is and worse than the last, even if it is something we have dealt with in the past.
We tend to hold onto our struggles, which is why I think it is so hard for us to deal with it when a new one arises. We hold onto the past so much that we even hold on the things we have struggled through. Sure sometimes it effects us in a positive way but other times it effects us negatively. How many of us find it hard to trust new people because someone in our past hurt us? How many of us find it hard to deal with the death of a loved on because we have had so many people in our lives die?

It is something we do all the time. Doing this makes it harder for us to deal with it when something arises because we think of all the pain we dealt with the first or second time around. We cannot let go of our pain, regardless of whether or not we overcame it once before. It continues to forever haunt us. Why? Why do we allow that?

"If there is no struggle there is no progress" Frederick Douglass

Is it possible for us to see the good within the bad? Can we see that when we struggle, there is something better at the end? I don't think we do. We focus so much on the negative that we do not see what in order to progress forwards sometimes we need to really struggle. We want to be able to progress throughout life smoothly without any troubles, but that is not always the case and when it's not we crumble. Are we honestly that fragile?

We spend so much time afraid of having to face hardship that I wonder if the fear of the hardship is worse than the hardship itself. But regardless we have to go through them to progress from one stage in life to another.

”Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”  - Dalai Lama

We spend so much of our lives in the pursuit of happiness.  We read book after book, go to seminars, mediate everything we can think of to find that thing called happiness.  We think there is some special formula to find happiness.  Someone out there who will bring us our happiness.  We say it all the time with a new relationship "He makes me so happy."  But what happens when the euphoria of a new relationship or a new job or whatever wears off?  The high of happiness dissipates and we are left wondering why we are no longer happy.  We are looking for happiness in all the wrong places.  It is not something we can find, not something we can buy or be given.  It cannot be found in the things and people around  us....it can only be found within ourselves.

Its like what the Dalai Lama says, happiness comes from our own actions.  We dictate our own happiness even if we don't realize that we have that ability.   We don't realize the power to find happiness lies within ourselves.  Why not?  Does it seem to hard for us to think that we grant ourselves happiness?  We are the ones who allow ourselves to remain suffering as I talked about in my last post.  We keep ourselves in this bubble of pain and suffering afraid of the unknown that we don't realize if we let go, we could find the happiness we so desperately want.  We tend to think external forces can break our force field and bring us happiness.   But until we let go of the suffering, let go of the pain and hurt, we can never find the happiness we are longing for. How can we break out of that cycle of perpetual suffering and find the happiness we desire?  How can we truly, honestly be happy if we remain bitter and jaded?

"People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.  Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar."  Thich Nhat Hanh

As much as we like to pretend that it doesn't our pasts play too much of a strong role in our present lives.  We say we don't live in the past, but our pasts are prevalent in everything we do and how we act and react to different situations and people. Despite the pain and suffering we've endured in the past, it is too hard to let go; to hard to let someone else in and live in the presence of the unknown.  Rather than let go of the painful past and face the unknown, we remain in that suffering.  Many of us have the same suffering and pain..could it be because subconsciously we look for it; we anticipate it and even sometime create it because that is what we know.  Is it possible to break out of that vicious cycle?

We may say the past is the past and that it doesn't affect our lives anymore but that's all it does.  How many of us have become bitter?  Afraid to get attached to anyone? Unable to trust?  We allow past hurts and sufferings dictate our lives whether we realize it or not.  And why o we allow it?  Deep down we find comfort in the pain.  I said so myself the other night..."I am used always being heart-broken."  How many things could we be missing out on because of that fear of the unknown, we say it is fear of being hurt again.  We keep ourselves in this perpetual cycle of hurt and suffering, but why?  Why can't we get past those hurts from past relationships, past experiences?  Is it honestly because we are that afraid of the unknown?

We end up building walls against those around us, and don't let anyone else inside those walls.  We say it is because we are afraid to get attached, but could it be more because we are more comfortable with our suffering and we don't want others to know that?  We don't want to let go of the suffering because...could it make us feel like there is still a connection to that person that caused us pain in the first place? That suffering allows us to still be close and feel like if we let go of that suffering and pain, then we let go of that person.  We are afraid to think of life without that person no matter how badly they hurt us.  Afraid of the life unknown without them, even if we are already living life without said person.  So, is it really the suffering we have a hard time letting go of?  Or is it more of the person?  While holding onto the causes us suffering, and makes it harder for us to allow someone else in and care for us, could it be not for fear that they will hurt us, but for fear of loving someone again and letting down those guards?  And therefore letting go of someone we still love?